I never expected to take a gap year between undergraduate and graduate school. Years before I even graduated from The Ohio State University this past spring I had already come to the decision to not take a gap year. The idea of taking time off and not making “progress” was terrifying, and I did not want to stop working towards my goals. Getting that PhD seemed like the ultimate measure of progress, a sign that I had made it, so it was a little bit soul crushing when I did not get accepted to graduate school. I knew I had done everything right, but it was not meant to be. Partially it was my fault because I had only applied to one graduate program, but I knew it was the perfect program for me and I would not be satisfied any other way. When I received that rejection letter on May 2nd 2020, in the midst of a global pandemic and the worst job market since the Great Depression, my gap year officially began.
If I had to answer the question in the title in the first month of my gap year, I would have said “Hell no!” I was bored, and I grieved for my missed opportunity of beginning a graduate program straight out of undergrad. I felt left behind because all of my friends had been accepted to their programs while I experienced rejection for the first time in my life. It took a huge toll on my mental health, my self-esteem, and even my relationship because I felt so worthless. I did not give myself any grace at first. I immediately jumped into the job application process the day following my rejection letter. I was not content with staying home with nothing to do because for the last eight or so years since I began high school, I always had something to keep me busy. I was not used to resting so figuring out what to do with myself when I did finally have time to rest was absolutely exhausting.
In total I applied to about a hundred jobs. I got rejected from five jobs, and the rest I never heard back from until two weeks ago when I finally got an interview. That then led to a second interview, and now I am due to start working at the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital in two weeks. The job offer came about six months into my unemployment, six months after having no income or even unemployment or stimulus money. It. Was. Terrible. Some days I felt so hopeless about my job prospects I began applying to Target, Walmart, and Kroger, but even they did not hire me. Fortunately I had the privilege of depending on my parent and my partner financially, but I was embarrassed. I viewed myself as a failure compared to many of my peers that continued to accomplish so much despite the pandemic and were moving on to graduate school in the fall. Finally within the last two weeks things have started to come together; I began meeting with a faculty member at the graduate school I had applied to, and I am beginning to work on an NSF GRFP application. I also have a start date for my job that I can look forward to.
However, it was not just these tangible things that allowed me to overcome my reluctance to take a gap year. I also made a lot of personal changes that allowed me to find comfort in having this time to mentally recover after finishing a strenuous four years of undergrad. I knew I was burnt out from school, but I did not realize how long it would take to get out of that slump. It wasn’t until three months after graduation that I felt motivated to pick up a book again or do something remotely academic that wasn’t Duolingo. I never took burn out seriously, but it’s real, people!
My gap year has been good for me in ways that will benefit me as I transition back to going to school. I focused my social media presence on activism work, which I hope to continue doing. I started this blog. I began working out consistently since the summer after my freshman year of college. I am playing tennis again for the first time in three years. I painted a pretty darn good picture of a blue crab. I find joy in little things such as going grocery shopping and cooking healthy (and sometimes not so healthy!) meals for my partner and I. We moved into a new apartment and I enjoy taking care of it and cleaning because for the first time I have my own space. Learning how to make the apartment feel like home and maintain it was really important after living in so many different places over the last four years, and constantly feeling like I was in transition. Overall I learned how to be happier after going through the motions during undergrad. I was happy then, but there was also a lot of negativity that I am working on getting rid of.
A lot of these life skills such as cooking, cleaning, and even establishing routines for skin and hair care are things I had neglected for years. Now I will be able to take them with me to graduate school and maybe it will help me feel less overwhelmed. Before I started cooking this summer, I ate a lot of fast food because I hated the idea of cooking after a long day at school and work, but now I know how to take better care of myself and even enjoy cooking. I also have the time to read those books that had been piling up in my room and on my “to-read” list for years. It had been so long since I had read a novel that wasn’t for school that I forgot how much I enjoyed reading. Having this time off has also been reassuring because I find myself missing research, so there is no doubt whether or not I had chosen the right career path.
Now if you were to ask me whether or not gap years are a good idea, my answer would be yes. At first I would say that my rejection from grad school had “put my life on pause” in a negative way, but now I view it positively. It means I have time to pause, evaluate how far I have come since beginning undergrad, and think about what comes next. I am happy to begin working so that I can have a reliable income and also help people through my work in a COVID-19 testing lab, but I’m glad I had this six month break since the pandemic began to focus on myself for a change. Being rejected from graduate school does not have to be a missed opportunity; a lot of people assumed I would not apply to grad school again, but I am not giving up. My goals are the same as they have always been, but now I can see that I definitely needed to take a break.
So should you take a gap year? I really don’t know. I believe everything happens for a reason so if you have to take a gap year unwillingly like I did, embrace it and make the most of it. You did not fail. If you want to go straight from undergrad to grad school, go for it. But first check in with yourself to see if you are ready, and really ask yourself if you need a break. There’s a lot of ways to make the most of a gap year. Unfortunately with the pandemic I cannot do my original plan of living out my Under the Tuscan Sun dream of running away to Italy for a couple of months, but I’m definitely going to be in a better place financially than I would have been without having the opportunity to work for a year. Only you can know when you’re ready to move on to graduate school, but everyone’s academic and career paths are different so do not stress over the timeline you created for yourself. If there is anything I have learned about science it’s that nothing ever goes according to plan so don’t expect it to, but learn how to be adaptable to change.
Learning How to Science 